no. 3 - #ThrowbackNotThursday
- Valerie Therese Goh
- Jun 6, 2018
- 4 min read
Updated: Jun 7, 2018
In many parts, the writing resurgence here was spurred by
(a) life-related developments that have led to a dearth of writing opportunities - and i realised how much I missed blogging after setting up the wedding site,
(b) a spam-guilt I feel for oversharing on instagram because I'm rather lousy at keeping pictures/ captions catchy and annoyed that I feel compelled to do so - not an influenza, why so pressured yo? and
(c) idk if I'm the only person who still does this, but I spent a good time of my Secondary, JC and University years reading blogs - for some reason, reading online journals and the inane thoughts of others really appealed/ appeals to me. I'm not sure if this speaks to my maturity but I still enjoy doing so and since few bloggers continue to update their blogs regularly, I figured I'd update and read my own - Mark thinks this is oddly weird but at the same time agrees that writing might fill some of the void I feel.
I figured I would first start with purging my feelings about what was the biggest event of my life since I last stopped blogging on w_iredblind - I got married! (getting called to the bar was great too)
While many in the world have taken a different view on marriage - whether still significant or an event that needs to happen for a couple to progress - my views and thoughts have continued to be driven by the teachings of the Catholic Church and so preparing for and getting married in church was indeed a giant deal for me!
So we start from the period commencing post-w_iredblind to December 2016, I guess since I never really wrote about it, December 2016 was when Mark and I got engaged.
For the unacquainted, Mark and I dated for a good 7 years before we got engaged in part because: (a) we started dating young and are terrible at tracking our finances and (b) inertia is very real and we enjoy staying with our respective parents (there's a laundry list of reasons for this and the first is laundry).
(I realised that this story is not unwritten (hurrhurr geddit?) and summarised at https://www.theknot.com/us/valerie-goh-and-mark-shan-apr-2018-f07955a6-ddb4-4938-a681-7413f85561dd#our-story which was of course written entirely by me - Mark reads extensively while it takes me forever to pick up a book (unless trashy) - on the other hand, I take great joy in writing absolute nonsense)
It wasn't a bad thing either that we waited (procrastinated) since we realised that relationship dynamics really change with the progression from students to working adults (attempting to be). As draining as law school was, holding day jobs with terrible hours and rather tyrannical bosses was a whole new level of draining and the result was we either took it out on each other or learn to support each other.
For me, that also meant getting Dougy when Buddy passed on and drinking a lot of caffeine - there are few things in life I love more than dogs and many many cups of varying types of caffeine (coffee, tea, coffee/tea with milk/ condensed milk/ nut milk).
In the course of all this, I also went through dental jaw surgery (https://w-iredblind.livejournal.com/345100.html) which was something I struggled with both mentally and physically.
Among other things, it was difficult to cope with looking different when i felt perfectly happy with how I looked before, the mental struggle of feeling like a coped-out and got some form of plastic surgery and having people not recognise you/ question your intentions. I think what was also understated was the amount of stress the major surgery left on one's body - all in all, it took me quite a while to deal with the situation and I would say that nearly 5 years on, I'm almost there but there are moments of lapse.
On a lighter note, may I suggest that anyone going through such a surgery consider dating someone who is of particularly unique features (at least within the society you stay in) because the blessing of dating a mixed-rather distinctive-looking person like Mark was that people would recognise him.. and then put 2 and 2 together and figure that the different-looking person beside him was me. Through this, Mark was an incredible source of comfort and assurance (although might I add that we fought post-surgery because he had planned to go overseas with his friends the immediate 3 days after my surgery and he proceeded to sulk beside me in the hospital when I got upset over his plans - it's not that I don't forgive and forget... I just have knack for remembering things LOL, poor Mark).
Naturally, I digressed. He proposed on 26 December 2016 after very dubiously booking me for brunch that morning about 1 month before (who books someone for brunch one month before?! - esp. when that person is one's girlfriend).
Among family and friends who were hiding in the dark, a dog that kept smashing the backpack he was made to wear against my calf (it held the ring) - Mark proposed and I don't remember a word he said.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BOekbhLgp3M/?taken-by=valalelor
If the question is whether back in the day I thought I would marry Mark - no, not really. In fact, I spent every Friday trying to break up with him - something he continues to remember. But if you've ever met Mark through law school and even now, the same person continues to be as selfless as ever and now on top of waiting for me, getting me to all the million places/things I want to do and ensuring that I'm fed all the time (I was hangry before it became a word - https://w-iredblind.livejournal.com/256092.html), he now also irons and does the laundry. In many ways, i learnt to see the concept of selflessness and love in his, my family member's and my friends' actions through him - and that was something pretty mindblowing.
& whether providence or otherwise, for some reason, Selene captured the recurring theme of.. Mark being selfless while Val stones/ tries to keep herself dry/ gets distracted by a dog LOL
that said, i have not forgiven him for stealing my 21st birthday thunder *gives side eye*
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