no. 14 - impossible things & intention

"sometimes, I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast"

Alice in Wonderland

Every other (yoga) class I attend begins with a "if it's in your practice to set an intention, you may wish to do so for today's practice" - I rarely ever do set one. Most of the time, my mind is either engrossed in something inane (as it usually is), I'm slowly but surely falling asleep as I've been asked to keep my eyes closed and slowly rest into the cross-legged seated pose I've mastered since my IJ school hall days or I'm just stoning.

(I feel obliged at this juncture to record that Kikki.K now sells "inspiration rocks". They are 4 stones, with the words "love" "focus" "dream" and "breathe" printed on them. They also retail at 22.90 - it's.. outstanding)

Photo Credit: Kikki.K

The journey back into a regular practice has been an interesting one.

It's been tough and rather confrontational.

Owing to recent events/ circumstances, I set an intention during lunchtime today to overcome fear and my inbuilt mental barrier/ auto-run setting of i can't do this, am going to find options every time I'm confronted with a discomfort. I actually cannot count the number of times I've stopped at 2.5km because I thought I couldn't run further.. when really I had plenty of energy to bounce around after the treadmill stopped.

Just like how my first year of dating Mark would be peppered with Val being known as a flight risk - I tried to break up every Friday because I fear confrontation and commitment - or how I spent my first year in JC plotting an exit from what a school that was nothing like my 10 years of education prior (true story, I am an IJ girl through and through, put me in a stifling environment and i look for the first exit) - I'm really rather terrible at confronting my fears of well, failing and disappointment.

True story, this same doubt is probably why

- I've never attempted a proper wakeboarding jump (i've only ever succeeded with these tiny little lift offs) because I'm so fearful of plunging into the water - which really is the inevitable when you're on a wakeboard anyway.

- I was so fearful of getting married - what if it's the wrong guy?? what if everything changes?? I'm catholic! divorce is a nono!! - side note, married and happier than ever

- it took me 8 years since my first yoga class to finally get into a tucked headstand - fear mixed with laziness, procrastination and well never putting in consistent effort

- I am impressively horrific at networking - I'm so good at being bad it really should be a feature on my CV

finally figuring out life, or trying to, on my head

So here's to learning to overcome my inbuilt auto-run response and the fear of failure and disappointment. Because the reality is where I have fought them, things have always ended up fine and sometimes, even great. Where I have fought and failed, at worst I fell and maybe walked away with some shame but a learning lesson that was invaluable in its own right.

& even if things get a little tricky.

here's an intention to remember - that I'm really not alone and whatever it is, I've so much to be grateful for that I can barely cope with counting the blessings I find each day.